Doubting
by Yonna7
Summary: This was a class project that I decided to upload. It's just a short chapter from Christina's P.O.V. as she goes to the Aptitude test and Choosing Day. Cameo of Albert. I may turn this into a series but not now. Title sucks, I know ;p.


**APTITUDE TESTING DAY**

I hurriedly walked out of my house and toward Al while simultaneously shooting Peter, Drew, and Molly a glare (there were standing in front of Peter's house. Lucky me, living right next door to the psychopath). I tripped slightly on my long black skirt that my mother had insisted that I wear for the aptitude test.

"Hey, Christina…" Al gave me a half-interested greeting, as I walked passed him and turned the corner. He followed on cue. Right when I opened my mouth to speak I tripped again.

"Jeez! Well, hello there Al. Oh, no don't bother helping me. Just broke my ankle is all."

"Hmm?" He spared me a glance as he chewed on his lower lip, then returned his stare to his feet.

"God, fine then. I can see you're busy. I'm going ahead."

"Huh? Christina?" I tried my hardest to walk away faster but only succeeded in tripping again. "Christina!"

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

"Am I okay? Are you okay?! You've barely said a word to me plus you're apparently trying to maul off your own face. Fess up. Tell me what's wrong." I demanded this, popping out my hip and placing my hand on it. Hopefully he wasn't too zoned to not catch my body messages.

"Nothing…"

"Al-bert. Tell. Me. Now."

"This test… Aren't you worried?"

"No," That was the truth. Why should I be worried? Whatever my results were I would go there. No question about it. "And you are?"

"No!" He shook his head vigorously and almost immediately started biting his lip again.

"You liar," He winced when I scolded him. And maybe I was a bit harsh, honest _is_ the best policy (especially for those in Candor), but I might've taken it a bit too far. "Look, Al. I don't see why you have to be nervous about it. It's not like they're grading us. And besides think about it. Who knows you better than yourself? What if you don't understand what you got? Who cares. Go where you want to go. Where do you think you belong is what you have to answer yourself and when you do act on it."

"Christina, it's not that easy." We had started walking again.

"It is."

"Christina, you don't get it." He sadly shook his head.

"What's there to get?"

"Christina-"

"Al, you don't have to say my name every time. You're wearing it out."

"It's complicated, Christina."

"Well, _Al_, I don't see it that way so just shut up and walk." He sighed quietly behind me. "I didn't mean it like that but you're stressing out over nothing."

"What do you mean over nothing? This is the rest of our lives we're talking about! It's _everything_!" I almost said something sharp but I kept it in. _That wasn't very candor like of me_. But I just couldn't be bothered with it.

"Christina?"

"What?" I tripped again. "Damn it." I muttered. Al was irritating me with all this talk about our future. He was wrong to think of it so much; there was no point right now. Or maybe I didn't want to think about it. Or maybe both. Either way I was starting feel worried as well. I hate that feeling; I hate a lot of feelings.

Like guilt, worry, and uncomfortableness. They welled up inside you and made you question everything, in the bad way. They ate at you until you were forced to tell the truth and admit that you were wrong or did something bad (Which I guess I should be willing to do since I'm candor but…). Or until you worried yourself into oblivion and did something that made you skittish, and nervous, and _excited_ all together. Maybe I like the excitement of having to take action but I hate the nervous energy that you need to get to that point of action. I always second guessed myself. I need to stop doing that.

"You've thought of this before, right? It's not just me?" He was pleading, begging to be reassured. But I didn't think about it at all. I was too afraid. I am weak in that way, I guess. Am I? I'm not quite sure anymore. Maybe the test will help me. I need to stop being afraid of things. The school was in sight and I felt relief, we would split up here.

"Yes, of course I have. Bye, Al." I tripped up the steps, silently cursing myself.

"Good bye, Christina." At least I'm sure of one thing.

I am a liar.

**CHOOSING DAY**

I stood still in line, quietly observing the five large bowls in the middle of the room. Dauntless. That's what my test had said. The testing man had given me an odd look when I came out of the simulation. When I asked what was wrong he said nothing and that I was Dauntless. He was lying.

But now that I was here, in line with Marcus from Abnegation giving a speech in front of me, I was confused. I had told Al to just go where his test told him. Would I follow that same advice? And leave my faction? My mother would visit me regardless of where I went; she was too kind to ignore me. Sometimes I felt as if my mother was meant to be in Abnegation. I had even questioned her on it and she agreed. But she said she chose the selfless thing and stayed in Candor. For her mother.

Guilt pricked at me whenever I looked at any of the other bowls besides Candor. And then something nasty seemed to fill my mouth when I looked at Candor. There was nothing for me here, besides my family; and that's what's tempting me to stay. But then where will I go?

Definitely not Amity. Even if I wasn't completely Candor, I still believed in telling the truth. I may lie sometimes but it's not to make you feel better. It's for me. I'm selfish, which rules out Abnegation. My younger sister could go there, when she's old enough. Just like Mom. Dauntless and Candor were my only options, because I would never go to Erudite. I day-dream too much to keep my feet on the ground and my nose in some books.

A boy, two people away from me, goes up and cuts his hand into the Erudite bowl. I know him; he's in my P.E. class, and a Dauntless born. Two more people until it's my turn. Two more people until I decide the rest of my life.

One more person. I lean forward a bit on my toes and glance at my mom. Her eyes are already locked on me and she gives a soft smile. An encouraging smile. I force a smile back as if my mind is already made up. As if everything's going to be just find. That's a lie.

And then it's my turn. I walk up to the bowls, my legs suddenly feeling like they are asleep. Pricking at every foot fall, just like my stomach. I glance at Mom again, who's wearing that same sweet smile. Everything's going to be fine and I'm going to go home with her and my little sister and all will be well.

I'm such a liar. All _will not_ be well.

The fire is flickering entrancingly at me, but the clear bowl looks so much less complicated. What if I get burned? I'm worrying too much over my fears… I need to stop if I ever plan on really living. Can I do that in Candor? I can fit into Candor easy, but I never gave Dauntless much thought. Will I be happy in Candor? Or in Dauntless? What's the point? I don't care.

That's a lie. I'm such a liar.

And because of this, my blood sizzles over the flames.


End file.
